A very interesting week,

Well, the title says it all.

My heart seems to be torn between so many things. It can't decide what it wants. Who it wants would be a more correct term. And your actions ad words (or lack thereof) aren't making it any easier. I guess I will just go with my instincts.

10/17/08-
What an insane day. It started out negative. She didn't talk to me. Again. School was slow but not unbearable. After school was a different story. And of course it all went bad when the authority figure stepped in. The football game had its moments, but we failed in the end. Our field show was crap as well. After, we went to Denny's. So many people showed up and I realized I love them all. That night was amazing and I will probably never forget it.

10/18/08-
I woke up to text messages of you doing that thing you have started recently. I find it so weird that we can't be into each other at the same time. It's either you or me, never both of us. It's frustrating. The day was beautiful and I regret not going outside. I wasted most of the day at home. I watched the episode of The Office that I missed and it was amazing. Don't worry, I saw the good within the bad. BalloonShop is better than Smosh, I decided. We "talked" a little bit, but not real talk. I stayed home from the movies because I knew something would come up. I went to Tess's party and Cam and I were the first one's there. I felt like I was just running around doing nothing the whole time until Josh showed up and we hung out with Shannon and Tara. I thought it was funny how Tara got so attached to Josh. Then Tess's dad told the ghost story. I wasn't very scared because I was too busy wishing you were here so I could hold you. It was cold. Nonetheless, I had a good time.

I feel bad for losing those feelings I had, but you really were being unbearable. Now that you have decided to stop, I wish I felt the way I did before. Maybe if you prove yourself to me, I will start being the way I was before. But then, maybe you will too.

Umm..

So, yeah. It's been forever. I don't want to give a narrative of my life like i normally do. Thought I would save you the boredom :P.

Wow, I fall hard. And it pretty much sucks. I know she isn't thinking about me nearly as much as I think about her. Don't try to tell me otherwise, either. Though I thought I had moved on, I feel like the past is repeating itself. I need to not let it bug me so much. But it's so hard. That night was awesome and it seems like it has been dead since then. So I'm guessing it's not what I thought.

Girls are sooooooo confusing lol.

The Reality of Dreams

Friday night I had a pretty vivid dream. Well, one part was vivid. I saved a girl that I know from being bitten by a snake that I knew was poisonous. She seemed to know too, but for some reason she didn't run away. It struck once, just barely missing her vulnerable skin. I pulled her away just before it struck again.

I can see the meaning of this dream unfolding before me. At least, I hope it will happen the same way it did in my mind. I know you have knowledge of this poison (it quite literally is a poison.) I know that you know what it can do to you. I want to protect you from it, and the best way I know how to do that is to make you understand why it is so dangerous. Perhaps you take it to become numb to the rest of the world. Maybe you do it because others do it. You have to trust me when I tell you that nothing good will ever come from it.

I lied, I have to admit. Yesterday I didn't tell you the reason I was so let down because I didn't want to hurt you by letting you know that you were the reason I felt that way. But I know you can make it up to me by controlling yourself. I never want to see those pictures again. The person in them was not you at all.

Please, keep your promise.

Everlong

I love when you find those songs that sorta describe your life. Or sometimes they remind you of someone special. They are the songs you put on repeat, the ones you listen to over and over again and never get tired of.

And I wonder

When I sing along with you

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when

She sang

I love Dave Grohl, I have decided. Haha

But not as much as I love you.

Just Speak

Silence is the most terrible sound in the world.
And the most beautiful is your voice.

Minimum Day = Maximum Fun

When I wrap my arms around you

Every mistake we made crumbles

When I wrap my arms around you

Everything echoes a new song

Ahaha today has been fun. Minimum days = Awesomeness. I went to Starbucks with Kevin, Nicole, Kaitlyn and Shanley. I got this strawberries and cream thing that was super good. Then we went to dollar tree, radio shack etc. We went to TJ Max and played hide-and-seek haha. I was the best hider. Tten Kevin and I went to S&S and the Asian manager guy was yelling at this kid. I don't know what he really said but it sounded like "You no booty-bump table or you outta here!" haha. Then the kid asked this plumber guy if he could paint his toenails with the glue stuff. He should have said yes lol. Now homework. Ew.

The Scientist

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh let's go back to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads on the science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin',
At numbers and figures,
Pullin' the puzzles apart.
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh on I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' our tails,
Comin' back as we are.

It hit me last night. I cried. But now I know that you are making a smart decision and I just want you to be happy. It's going to be a tough start, but when you pull through, it will be worth it. Trust me.

The start of the day was rough for me. I still had those words engraved in my brain. My head was full of song lyrics that made me angry because they tormented me. The Scientist was my relief. I don't know why but it made me forget. I left for the day with my heart still heavy. It lightened with the presence of others that make my life so enjoyable. That is why it's hard for you, isn't it? Well, I am telling you, you are not alone. And soon it will seem silly that you thought that.