A very interesting week,

Well, the title says it all.

My heart seems to be torn between so many things. It can't decide what it wants. Who it wants would be a more correct term. And your actions ad words (or lack thereof) aren't making it any easier. I guess I will just go with my instincts.

10/17/08-
What an insane day. It started out negative. She didn't talk to me. Again. School was slow but not unbearable. After school was a different story. And of course it all went bad when the authority figure stepped in. The football game had its moments, but we failed in the end. Our field show was crap as well. After, we went to Denny's. So many people showed up and I realized I love them all. That night was amazing and I will probably never forget it.

10/18/08-
I woke up to text messages of you doing that thing you have started recently. I find it so weird that we can't be into each other at the same time. It's either you or me, never both of us. It's frustrating. The day was beautiful and I regret not going outside. I wasted most of the day at home. I watched the episode of The Office that I missed and it was amazing. Don't worry, I saw the good within the bad. BalloonShop is better than Smosh, I decided. We "talked" a little bit, but not real talk. I stayed home from the movies because I knew something would come up. I went to Tess's party and Cam and I were the first one's there. I felt like I was just running around doing nothing the whole time until Josh showed up and we hung out with Shannon and Tara. I thought it was funny how Tara got so attached to Josh. Then Tess's dad told the ghost story. I wasn't very scared because I was too busy wishing you were here so I could hold you. It was cold. Nonetheless, I had a good time.

I feel bad for losing those feelings I had, but you really were being unbearable. Now that you have decided to stop, I wish I felt the way I did before. Maybe if you prove yourself to me, I will start being the way I was before. But then, maybe you will too.

Umm..

So, yeah. It's been forever. I don't want to give a narrative of my life like i normally do. Thought I would save you the boredom :P.

Wow, I fall hard. And it pretty much sucks. I know she isn't thinking about me nearly as much as I think about her. Don't try to tell me otherwise, either. Though I thought I had moved on, I feel like the past is repeating itself. I need to not let it bug me so much. But it's so hard. That night was awesome and it seems like it has been dead since then. So I'm guessing it's not what I thought.

Girls are sooooooo confusing lol.

The Reality of Dreams

Friday night I had a pretty vivid dream. Well, one part was vivid. I saved a girl that I know from being bitten by a snake that I knew was poisonous. She seemed to know too, but for some reason she didn't run away. It struck once, just barely missing her vulnerable skin. I pulled her away just before it struck again.

I can see the meaning of this dream unfolding before me. At least, I hope it will happen the same way it did in my mind. I know you have knowledge of this poison (it quite literally is a poison.) I know that you know what it can do to you. I want to protect you from it, and the best way I know how to do that is to make you understand why it is so dangerous. Perhaps you take it to become numb to the rest of the world. Maybe you do it because others do it. You have to trust me when I tell you that nothing good will ever come from it.

I lied, I have to admit. Yesterday I didn't tell you the reason I was so let down because I didn't want to hurt you by letting you know that you were the reason I felt that way. But I know you can make it up to me by controlling yourself. I never want to see those pictures again. The person in them was not you at all.

Please, keep your promise.

Everlong

I love when you find those songs that sorta describe your life. Or sometimes they remind you of someone special. They are the songs you put on repeat, the ones you listen to over and over again and never get tired of.

And I wonder

When I sing along with you

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when

She sang

I love Dave Grohl, I have decided. Haha

But not as much as I love you.

Just Speak

Silence is the most terrible sound in the world.
And the most beautiful is your voice.

Minimum Day = Maximum Fun

When I wrap my arms around you

Every mistake we made crumbles

When I wrap my arms around you

Everything echoes a new song

Ahaha today has been fun. Minimum days = Awesomeness. I went to Starbucks with Kevin, Nicole, Kaitlyn and Shanley. I got this strawberries and cream thing that was super good. Then we went to dollar tree, radio shack etc. We went to TJ Max and played hide-and-seek haha. I was the best hider. Tten Kevin and I went to S&S and the Asian manager guy was yelling at this kid. I don't know what he really said but it sounded like "You no booty-bump table or you outta here!" haha. Then the kid asked this plumber guy if he could paint his toenails with the glue stuff. He should have said yes lol. Now homework. Ew.

The Scientist

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh let's go back to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads on the science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin',
At numbers and figures,
Pullin' the puzzles apart.
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh on I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' our tails,
Comin' back as we are.

It hit me last night. I cried. But now I know that you are making a smart decision and I just want you to be happy. It's going to be a tough start, but when you pull through, it will be worth it. Trust me.

The start of the day was rough for me. I still had those words engraved in my brain. My head was full of song lyrics that made me angry because they tormented me. The Scientist was my relief. I don't know why but it made me forget. I left for the day with my heart still heavy. It lightened with the presence of others that make my life so enjoyable. That is why it's hard for you, isn't it? Well, I am telling you, you are not alone. And soon it will seem silly that you thought that.

Wow...

It's been a while. There is so much on my mind at this point. There is no way I can type it all out. The past few weeks have been absolutely crazy. Crazy fun, crazy stressful, crazy sad, and crazy crazy.

My brother left for school while I was still at church. I don't really feel sad, I just know and acknowledge that you are gone. Maybe I'm just not worried about you. Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet.

At first I wasn't afraid of how I would feel. I wasn't worrying about my emotions and I thought I would be fine. Not until that expanse of what felt like seconds when I know it was much longer. Never in my life had I ever held someone so close and for so long. I crumbled when you told me you could hear my heartbeat. I wasn't standing on the ground anymore. And when you turned around on your way to leave, those crumbled pieces melted. I felt like time was standing still. I wish I could have made time stand still. The next night I wrote down my thoughts. I hope you read them at the right moment. Night seems to be our best time of day, but this morning was great and I'm so glad it happened. Thank you for everything.

Goodbye and good luck to both of you. I know you will be great.

Dream Big

When you cry be sure to dry your eyes, cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile be sure to smile wide, and don't let them know that they have won.
And when you walk, walk with pride, and don't show the hurt inside, because the pain will soon be gone.
And when you dream, dream big, as big as the ocean blue.
Cause when you dream it might come true.
When you dream, dream big.
And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud, cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself, and it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on when the troubles come your way.

I decided to use song lyrics intead of a picture. It's a very corny song but I find truth in its corniness. Today was a good day overall. However, I didn't get any work done so I will have to make up for it tomorrow. I went to Cameron's this morning with my brother and stayed way longer than I thought I would. We planned on going to see The Society since they only perform once a month so I invited Katie and Amanda. We met up with them at the ER Playhouse and The Society was awesome, despite missing Kirby Heybourne. It was a really fun night and everyone had a good time. I can't wait for September 13th when they perform again. Tomorrow will have to consist wlot of work since I didn't get any done today. I can only imagine how much fun it will be to read a hundred pages of mythology. (SparkNotes, anyone?) So yeah an early morning and alot of work is not much to look forward to, but there are a few things I really am looking forward to.

Oh and Michael Phelps won a gold. And broke the world record. Big surprise. Haha.

I need to let go.

Seriously, it's getting way too hard. Not completely, that is just preposterous. I will never let go completely, trust me. I'm going to loosen my grip. It will not be easy.

Nostalgia

Today was another one of those relatively uneventful days. A good day, nonetheless. We has a giant day of duck-duck-goose and I got picked and sprinted until my boot nearly fell off. I "goosed" Katie Winter because she has a knee brace and it was really funny. Mrs. Palmer made us run a second lap so that a parent could take pictures. Katie is a cool kid, one of my favorite freshmen. Now for some thoughts...

nos·tal·gia
[no-stal-juh]
–noun
1.
a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

I realized that this is one of my favorite words. I reason this because it happens to me all of the time. I wish I could go back and relive those amazing days and make them even better. I want to learn to live in a way that makes these amazing memories for everyone. I want people to think of me and feel nostalgic. I strive to create memories that induce a wistful desire to return to a former time in one's life. I want to do this because of so many people that have done it for me. One person in particular who is leaving soon is going to be occupying my mind alot, and flooding it with nostalgia. I hope she feels the same way but at the same time I hope that she doesn't feel the desire as strong as I know I will because it is so hard to say goodbye. You have changed my life forever and I hope you know that and that you continue to do so. we hit it off right. ;P

Been A While...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo5KgCwmKKE

I haven't posted in a while. It's probably because this week has been very uneventful. Band Camp was same as usual. My life was very boring altogether, actually. There really isn't much to say. Yesterday I had an SMR practice which went very well, if you can't tell by the video haha. We have a new drummer which is kinda like the new super glue that holds us together. Today I went to church and had the missionaries over for dinner afterwards. They are both pretty cool and I look forward to getting to know them better.

Almost twice in one day almost doesn't seem like a coincidence. A smile and a wave as you passed by made my day.

Impressive... most impressive.

These past few days have been interesting. Tuesday I went to band camp again and the day felt longer because we worked all day instead of getting to konw each other. Jon came to Canyon and drove me and his brother to Subway for five-dollar footlongs. It was cool just talking to him and reminiscing about the concert last week. Wednesday I had a pretty bad fever so I stayed home from band camp. I barely ate the whole day and only just recently found my appetite again. I watched TV and slept which made me feel a little better. This morning I woke up and I didn't really feel sick. After my shower I felt exhausted and I had no idea why. I went to camp regardless but after about an hour of marching I felt really dizzy and had to sit down for a while. I joined back in near the end after I got my uniform fitted (I went down two jacket sizes. WTFlip?). Music rehearsal went really well in the afternoon and it left me very impressed. We have made so uch more progression on this music this year than we did last year. Our first two movements already sound decent and I love the show music this year. We have worked on the drill a little but not enough for me to predict how well are going to do this season. Either way, I know it's going to be a fun season.

This one time at band camp...

Sorry I don't have a picture today. I got lazy :P. Today was the first day of band camp. I had to get up at 7 and it didn't help that I had been up until 1 playing Halo with Robert (we kicked major butt though.) I didn't expect to do alot of physical activity because of my foot but I participated in everything today. First we had one of those cheesey "get to know you" things. There are quite alot of freshman and so far I like all of them. There are 9 trumpets now (WOW!) and they are pretty good. One of the freshman was this african-american girl who reminds me of Stanley from The Office. They are creepily similar. We did very well for our first day, especially on the music. We made more improvement just today than I would have ever thought. It was cool seeing alot of the people I hadn't seen for a while, but it made me miss the seniors soooooo much. Especially Claire, Bryce, Jon, and even Erika (crazy, I know.) I really want to make friends with all of the new kids and I'm already friends with a few. Zoe did an awesome job as drum major and Ryan is a great marching tech. These next two weeks are gonna be a pain in the butt, but fun at the same time. I'm looking forward to lunch with Claire, whenever she can make it.

Big D and the Legends of Less Than Goldfinger

Yesterday was a pretty awesome day. My borther and I left for Universal City to go see The Dark Knight in IMAX. Only about 15% of the scenes were shot in IMAX but they were the really good scenes and they were SPECTACULAR. The image quality was so clear it blew me away every time. The scenes that were not in IMAX were still really good because the theater was big and the sound was awesome. After, we ate lunch at Fuddruckers, the best burger place in the world. We went home for a few hours and left to go to the ska show at the Wiltern in LA. It was so awesome. Suburban Legends played first and they were really good, but I wished they had played for longer (only five songs) but they played Bright Spring Morning which was awesome. Big D and the Kids Table were ok but I didn't really like thier singer. Less Than Jake was really entertaining and they played for at least an hour. They had a kid come up on stage and dance during one of their songs and convinced his parents to let him come to today's show. Goldfinger played last and they stole the show. They are really amazing and at the beginning the singer was crowd-surfing and singing at the same time. Near the end they played Superman which is my favorite song by them. A couple got engaged onstage which was pretty cool. They played 99 Red Balloons to finish their set and it was amazing. The frontman threw his guitar into the audience! The security guy rushed in and took it though which sucked. On the ride home I had a strong ringing in my ears and was dead tired. Definitely the most exciting day of Summer 08'.

Mall Misadventures

Today started off like a normal, lazy day. My Xbox came so I rotated between TV, computer and Xbox all morning. Very productive, yes I know. I changed the strings on my guitar which was the most productive thing I did all day. My brother told me he wanted to go to the mall to get some stuff and he said he would buy me something if I went with him. Part of the parking lot area was still under construction which was annoying. We walked around for a pretty long time. Hot Topic still remains my favorite store in the entire mall, with vans in a close second. I got a sick shirt that I will keep a mystery until tomorrow :P. Walking around was really tiring. There was this really cool girl at Hot Topic that was into ska music and gave my brother a huge discount on all the stuff he was buying. After, we went to Taco Bell and then to Steven's house for a fun night of video games, swimming and a movie. I am super excited for The Dark Knight IMAX Experience. I just got the chills.

Some Thoughts:

Wasting time is fun, but I know I'm gonna regret it because I have so much work I need to do. School sucks. Well, school is ok but work sucks. I realized that a single similar interest can produce a tiny helpful miracle that just shows that you really can't hate anyone. My really good friends are not afraid to share their thoughts with me. I really strive to make good friends with everyone, which is one of my main focuses in life. If you truly love someone, you can give your life to them without a second thought.

My quote:

"Number One isn't very far from Zero."

Does that child have a sword?

Today was really weird. I woke up a little before noon. Erika sent a text message saying that she was too busy to give me my guitar lesson and that was my only obligation for the day. I missed the UPS guy with my fixed xbox because he came while i was asleep. my parents are out of town for a friend's wedding so I was home alone. I wasted the early afternoon hours watching TV, using myspace and facebook and eating candy. I got a few offers to hang out but for some reason shot them down, a decision i now regret. I didn't do anything until my brother and Justin dragged me to Justin's house and I was pretty reluctant to go. We played guitar hero and watched the amazing Hot Rod. It was really boring even though it included two of my loves. I REALLY regretted going when Claire wanted to stop by my house on her way home and there was nothing I could really do. Overall, today was a big waste of time.

It wasn't all bad though. Staying home alone was unproductive but still entertaining. I talked with a few people I hadn't been talking to alot recently. I developed a way to practice jazz guitar chords. I hope tomorrow doesn't turn out like today did though. I think my brother and I are going to go see The Dark Knight in the IMAX experience which will make it my third rime seeing it. I am so addicted I will probably see it many more times before it leaves theaters. Looking forward to a morning of xbox tomorrow. I have been missing it.

Adventures in LA

I went deep into the heart of Los Angeles with J-Corn and Double D today. We spent most of the day stuck in traffic and getting lost thanks to Devin's terrific driving. We picked up their friend Kristen and we went to MI. Musician's Institute is a really cool school for modern music recording and classes. We also went to Amoeba music and I was blown away by all of the music that I was surrounded by. Devin bought some stuff and then we walked to the Arclight theater. Outside they had Batman's bike from The Dark Knight and I snapped some pictures. They also had the Batsuit and Joker's Suit in display as well as the clown masks worn by the Joker's goons. We saw Dark Knight in the Dome which is a really nice theater and it was just as good if not better than the first time. On our way home we got sorta lost again but finally made it back.

I learned a few things that I had never noticed before and I have to say I am disappointed. It is hard for me to understand why people make such self-deteriorating decisions and not regret them. Maybe they just give up on certain parts of life and just don't care anymore. But I feel like I will get more out of life because I did not choose to make those decisions and perhaps the others will not get the blessings that come from making good decisions. And maybe they wont notice at all.

So, back to what I was saying...

Dark Knight was amazing. Go see it. Now. Anyway, the Newport trip was really fun. I love being able to do nothing productive and not think about things that weigh on your mind so much. I was excited to get home, but once I returned, that weight returned as well. Luckily, it was interrupted by a group of amazing friends.

Tomorrow's plans are not in stone but I will either be going to LA with Justin or the movies with Claire. Either should be great and I look forward to making a decision :P.

Who knows? Perhaps both? *crosses fingers*

Home from Newport (and first post)

Since this is my first post, I will fill you in with the events of my summer beach trip. We left friday night around 7. We got to the beach house around 10 and set up beds on the patio. The house was literally on the beach and the sound of the ocean was amazing. Even more amazing was our late night showing of The Dark Knight. Such and incredible movie and one of my favorites of all time. Bravo, Heath Ledger. You went out with a bang. Seviral bangs, actually. Lol have to go hang out with Steven and fill you in with the rest.